Je suis désolé, Прости меня
by CaffeinatedKitty
Summary: Matthew finds no reason for his life anymore, besides being his (twin) brother's caretaker. One day, he meets Ivan and they become fast friends. Their relationship lasts for a while- but when the school "source of awesome" takes an interest in Matthew, it all turns sour. I do not own Hetalia.
1. Vanilla Twilight

Matthew,

I don't know what I did wrong. Why wouldn't you at least give me more of an explanation...? "I've found someone else"... I don't understand. I thought you were happy with me, that we could go on forever in our own little world, our little bubble of happiness. Ah... Matvey, you're sleeping under the stars tonight, aren't you? I know that you love them, all the pretty patterns they form in the sky... I love how they can each be so alone in their own patch of the sky and still glow so brightly, like the finest, most well-polished diamonds... People can't be like that, though. Everyone needs someone to care about them...

Oh, Matvey, I can't sleep. I keep going outside to sit on the porch swing and think instead of sleeping... But it's not the same. With you there, it was a peaceful silence, one where I knew everything was going to be alright... Now, it's almost uneasy, and I'm so confused... I miss holding your hands in mine, Matvey, they fit so perfectly... Even the sunrise is different. I miss watching it with you, miss our whispers, the sweet kisses we shared in the soft light of the dawn... It just feels so... _Empty..._

I can't help but wonder... Would you explain it to me if you knew how much I wondered...? I haven't gotten more than a minute of sleep, Matvey, I'm too caught up in my thoughts. Wondering what I did, if it was something I did, why you left me, why you went to that... Why you went to Gilbert... Matvey, I thought we were something... _Special..._ Are you recreating that feeling, that wonderful feeling of love that I felt towards you with him...? I want to know so much, Matvey, and you're the only one that can answer my questions...

I wonder... Would you explain it all to me if you knew that I haven't stopped thinking of you for even a second...?

* * *

Oh, Matvey, I can't take it any more... I can't stand seeing you so happy with anyone else, let alone _him..._ I can't stand seeing you so happy with the one that causes all of my pain... I don't want to live. I just want to see you smile at me, feel you wrap your arms around my waist and kiss me on the cheek... Tell me that it's all going to be okay... Oh, I might smile all the time, but I do it... So no one will see the pain. My happiness is false, a mask... If anyone would bother to look, they would see the sadness, the pain in my eyes...

I bought a coil of rope just for this purpose. Silly clerk, he believed me when I said I wanted to build a tent for my little sister... I know you aren't happy, Matvey. I think that you'll be happier... After I'm gone.

Ah... Matvey, did you ever notice the little things we shared...? A love of the cold, snow, the stars... Did you notice that our eyes were almost reflections...? Blue-violet and red-violet, reflecting old pain, sadness, new happiness back to each other... I know that soon, I will be forgotten... Forgotten, by everyone but my sisters. I wonder if they'll keep the yellow color of my room from fading, fading into gray... I think it'll make you at least a little happier to know that Katyusha will be getting my sunflowers... I know that you are her friend.

I'm not happy anymore. I can't be. I can't stop the flood of memories... Of sweet moments we shared, kisses, everything about _us. _Every time I close my eyes, I can't help but see them... Oh, Matvey, everything is 'used to' now... Used to be your boyfriend, used to want to live, used to be _happy._

I slung the rope over my shoulder as I climbed the tree, up to a branch that would be high over my head if I stood underneath. It was hard to keep my balance; for a moment I thought that my plans might go out the window and I would die another way. Wobbling, I tied the rope around that branch. I just barely saw you come running into the yard as I draped the noose over my shoulders. You were yelling; I couldn't hear what, over my thoughts. Would I float up, high above the earth, or would I sink down to burn? I shook off those thoughts- I couldn't bring myself to care.

I sang a last verse as I walked forward, to my death.

"When violet eyes get brighter, and heavy wings grow lighter, I'll taste the sky and feel alive again! And I'll forget the world that I knew, but I swear I won't forget you! Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past, I'd whisper in your ear- Oh, darling, I wish you were here!"

I took a last step and fell.

The noose pulled tight, and I knew no more.

* * *

A sixteen year old boy by the name of Ivan Braginski was found hanging from a tree in his backyard late Friday night. Another young man, presumably one of his friends, was found kneeling on the ground next to the deceased teenager, crying. He said that he tried to stop his friend, but he was too late. There were three letters on his desk.

One was addressed to "My dear Matvey", saying:

I love you, Matvey. Even after you left me, I never stopped loving you. Maybe you'll be happier if I'm gone. I only want you to be happy, Matvey.

A second was written for his sisters:

I love you, my dear sisters. Kat, keep my sunflowers, keep them alive for as long as you can. They are my present to you. Natalia, I'm sorry I couldn't love you as much as you loved me. You can have my novels- I know you like the stories. Don't take revenge on anyone, please.

The third and final was written to "Everyone Else":

I have every right to be bitter. I have every right to say "Screw you, and screw the world," but I won't. I know I was... Different. I may have been unapproachable. I don't know why you hated me. I don't know why you feared me. All I can say is da svedaniya, goodbye.

This letter was read to his classmates. Many were in tears, possibly out of regret, but some seemed unaffected. There were a few that seemed downright amused with his untimely demise. They will be punished accordingly.

* * *

_Matvey, I'm sorry. I understand now, and I forgive you, Matvey, it's alright. But you need to move on. I'm so much happier here; there is no pain. You can learn to love again, I know you can. I see what he's doing to you, but I can also see... You'll be meeting someone who can help soon. Please don't forget me, but... Find the one you can be happy with. And never forget... Ya tebya lyublyu, Matvey. I'll always be with you._


	2. Tidal Wave

Ivan,

I'm so sorry. I should've been able to see what he was planning, should've found a different way to do things. But I didn't... I couldn't, and I lost you. I hope you can hear me when I say, I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave you, not _ever_, but Gilbert made me. He forced me to say that I found someone else, forced me to leave you. He was threatening to hurt you... Vanya, I was only trying to protect you, but it seems that I did the opposite. They were going to hurt you... But I hurt you so much more than they could. It wasn't just your heart that shattered; mine did to, as I let those lies pass my lips.

I was... _Broken_... When you jumped... Vanya, I couldn't take it, knowing that I was one of the reasons that you did it.

I started cutting again.

I've broken so many promises... I've lost count.

I said I'd stay with you forever.

_Thud._

I said I wouldn't hurt myself anymore.

_Crack._

I said I would forget you, that I would get over it.

_Shatter._

It wasn't only my heart that shattered- My conscience did, too.

I just gave up. No one noticed when I stopped eating... No one noticed the cuts, the scars when I accidentally exposed my wrist...

Natalia didn't like me before, but now she hates me. Katyusha won't look at me, speak to me... Not after she found out. Carlos has gone back to tormenting me... And Gilbert... Now that you're gone, now that he can't torment you any more... _He _forgets me..._He _calls me Alfred... I hate it.. I've lost so much in such a short amount of time. You, Katyusha, my peace of mind... You know, Alfred thinks it's funny that you're gone and he didn't even have to do anything.

I'm broken. I can't put energy into anything. I almost made it out of this dark part of my life, but I slipped and fell back into this metaphorical hole I've dug. Oh, Vanya, I knew you were crushed by the breakup, but I didn't know you'd go this far. I regret so much- I wish I'd ignored Gilbert's empty threats, I wish instead of letting those lies out, I'd held onto you and never let go. I feel the same pain that you did. You know, you were the one that almost pulled me out of this hole, but the tidal wave of your death washed me back in.

Then I met Lovino. After only a few minutes in each others' company, we became friends. But his help wasn't enough to pull me out of the quicksand that this sadness resembles so much.

Vanya, I tried to join you. I tried to join you, but Lovino was too stubborn to let me go. And in that moment, when I was stuck between life and death, I saw you. I saw _you_, Ivan... I don't know if it was really you or an illusion that my own subconscious created, but I saw you. You told me it was alright, that I had to move on.

You told me it was okay to love again.

So I went back; I took a chance and went back to live. And when I woke up in that hospital, Lovino was there, angry and happy at the same time.

"You stupid bastard, never try that again! I was worried!

...I was _worried_..."

And then I had a reason to live again, because Lovino showed me his scars and told me that he would be dead right now, if it wasn't for Feliciano.

"Mateo," he said, tears in his eyes, "Even if it doesn't seem like it, there's always someone that cares about you. _Always_."

Vanya, I know you're there protecting me. I've known ever since I broke up with Gilbert and he broke his hand trying to hit me, although he never touched me.

Just remember this- Ivan, I love you, and a little part of my heart will always belong to you. No matter who I meet or where I go, I'll always have a little piece of you inside my chest.

Je suis désolé, Прости меня, Vanya. Je t'aime.


	3. Cat and Mouse

Warning: A certain Canadian being abused by a certain Cuban, mention of cutting, thought of suicide. I don't think I have Cuba in character, but...

* * *

Matthew slowly opened his eyes. "Another day..." he stared up at the maple leaf painted on the ceiling, hearing heavy footsteps run up the hallway. "Three... Two... One..."

"MATTIE!" Alfred burst into his room and jumped onto his bed.

"What is it, Al?" Matthew groaned, sitting up.

"I want pancakes..." Alfred looked at him hopefully.

"I'll make them... _After _I take my shower."

"Okay!" Alfred bounced out of the room into the hallway, where Matthew heard him slide down the rail. Matthew wearily got out of bed and went over to his dresser, where he chose a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt at random. He walked into the bathroom and locked the door, kicking off his socks. He removed his pajamas, and finally, peeled of the bandages around his wrists, wincing as the slightly bloodied cloth pulled at the edges of the cuts. Matthew turned on the water and stepped into the warm spray. He sighed. "Why don't I just end it all..?" he mumbled. "Right. Who else would take care of Alfred?" He reluctantly got dressed and stepped out of the bathroom.

"Pancakes pancakes pancakes pancakes..." Matthew heard a steady chant coming from his room.

He sighed once again. "Alfred, go jump on your own bed."

Matthew went downstairs and made the pancakes. When Alfred smelled them, he zipped into the kitchen and sat down at the table, eagerly awaiting his breakfast. Matthew watched as Alfred wolfed down the pile, slowly nibbling on his own pancake.

Alfred didn't notice how thin his brother was getting.

The pair locked up the house and walked to school together, Matthew ignoring his twin's mindless chatter. He mentally braced himself for his daily game of "Cat and Mouse," the last of which he'd recovered from over the weekend. When they reached the school, Alfred immediately dashed up, yelling to his friend Iggy about something. Matthew saw Carlos coming and gulped.

"Oi! Jones!"

Matthew ducked behind a group of girls and made his way around the yard, ending up on the steps in front of the school. He slipped inside and sprinted away, not caring where he was going. The light pattering of his feet was soon drowned out by Carlos's heavy footsteps, and Matthew didn't need to look back to know he was being followed. "Where ya going, Jonesy?"

"I-I-I'm not Alfred!" Matthew stumbled to a stop. He'd run into a dead end. He lloked around desperately for somewhere to hide, but as "luck" would have it, he didn't have enough time. Matthew saw Carlos's rather large shadow appear on the wall before him. He turned around, pale and trembling.

"There you are Jonesy..." He saw Matthew's expression and laughed.

"I'm not Alfred.." he whispered, tears pricking at his eyes.

"'Course you are. You can't look that much like him and not _be_ him."

"Th-that's because I-" Matthew was silenced by a punch to the jaw.

"Shut up, your excuses annoy me." Carlos managed to raise his leg far enough to kick Matthew in the chest. He stumbled back, barely able to breathe. "You don't deserve to live." Carlos slammed Matthew against the lockers and held him there by his neck while he gasped for breath. Carlos noticed a slightly opened locker and yanked it open, shoving Matthew inside. He slammed the door shut. "Have a nice day, Jonesy."

Matthew's jaw throbbed, and he could feel bruises forming in a ring around his neck. "Help me!" he cried out pitifully. He heard someone make a noise of confusion directly in front of the locker he was trapped in. "In here!" Matthew weakly bangged on the inside of the door. He heard the lock click and tumbled out as the mysterious person opened the door. Matthew looked up from where he lay on the floor and his eyes widened. It was their, as Alfred called him, "Friendly neighborhood creepy Russian."

Ivan smiled, a _real_ smile. "Hello, Matvey." He extended an arm to the smaller boy. Matthew grabbed his hand and let Ivan pull him up. He brushed himself off, flinching when he ran a hand over a bruised, and probably cracked, rib. "Matvey, are you okay?" Ivan looked genuinely worried.

"Yes..." It was then that Matthew realized something. "Y-You didn't call me Alfred!"

"But you aren't Alfred. You're Matthew."

"Yes, but... Everyone calls me by my brother's name.."

"You aren't your brother."

"Um... Can you help people... Recognize that?"

"Of course, Matvey!" Ivan smiled a little wider. "It won't do to go through school being thought of as your brother!"

Just then, the bell rang for class to start. "Let's go, Matvey."

Neither realized that they were still holding hands.

* * *

I'm so sorry Canada! D: I hate tormenting you like this.. But I really don't get why you're still friends with Cuba. I DESPISE him. And please excuse any mistakes after the "dead end" part, I was listening to Sweden's Hatafutte Parade, and it makes me soo sleepy... -u- I'll get to writing the next chapter...


	4. Problem Solved?

A/N: Sorry if there's a false update, I needed to put in a couple of words that got deleted when I first typed this.

* * *

Matthew sighed, drawing his knees up to his chest and staring at the stars that kept him company on nights such as this one. Just yesterday, he had made a friend- the only person besides Alfred that could tell he wasn't Alfred. It had become a lot easier to tell them apart; Matthew stayed near Ivan while Alfred avoided him. Matthew had met a lot of people that had used to see through him- Eduard, an intelligent Estonian, Katyusha and Natalia, Ivan's sisters... Even Soren, one of the most popular boys in the school. However, Matthew wasn't sure what to make of his new friend. Was Ivan really as nice as he seemed? After all, if Alfred hated him so much, there _had_ to be a reason... Right? Either way, Matthew's feelings towards Ivan were raging out of control. Soon enough, though, the answer to his question appeared...

* * *

Two Days Later

"Jonesy! Where are you?"

Matthew quickly slipped behind Ivan, burying his face in Ivan's thick coat.

"Matvey, what's wrong?" His voice held genuine concern for the Canadian.

"You hear the guy yelling for 'Jonesy', right?" Matthew's already soft voice was muffled by the cloth and Ivan had to listen closely to figure out what he was saying.

"Da."

"H-he always be-beats me up... He's th-the one who shut m-me in your locker..." Matthew's voice was nearing panic as Carlos came closer. Shaking Matthew off of the back of his coat, Ivan strode towards Carlos. Gripping the faucet pipe that had appeared out of one of his many pockets, he stared down at the shorter teen.

"You are the one who hurt Matvey, da?"

"Matvey?" Carlos snorted. "The only person I 'hurt' is the self-proclaimed _hero_, Alfred. Jones." he spat the name venomously.

"Haven't you noticed?" Ivan faked a pleasant smile. "_Alfred _is fine. Matvey, on the other hand, is not." The mask slipped and with every word, the smile became more vicious.

Matthew stood behind Ivan, attempting to keep him from murdering Carlos, even though it would be nice to have some revenge.

"But Matvey..." Ivan turned pleading eyes on him. "Wouldn't you like for him to be hurt, like he hurt you?"

"Well, yes, but..."

Carlos snickered. "Yeah, keep your guard dog under control."

That was the last straw.

Ivan whipped around and hit him in the chest with the pipe. The momentum sent Carlos flying, drawing a collective gasp from the onlookers. No one had ever dared to lay a finger on Carlos, let alone hit him in the ribs with a pipe. He laboriously climbed to his feet. "You're in for it now, _dog._" Carlos growled, glaring at Ivan.

"Ivan, please-" Matthew began. It was too late. The two rushed each other, students quickly forming an uneven circle around them. The pair fought almost too quickly to keep up, but a multitude of bruises soon appeared on Carlos's arms and face.

"This isn't over _yet_," Carlos hissed, slinking away with what little dignity he had left.

Matthew grabbed Ivan by the wrist and dragged him into the bathroom. "Why did you do that, Ivan?!" He cried. "Now you might get expelled!"

"Because... Because..." Ivan blushed, smiling uncharacteristically shyly. "Because _Я люблю тебя._"(I love you.) He leaned forward and gently kissed Matthew. He was surprised, but he kissed back, wrapping his arms around Ivan and pulling him closer. At last they broke apart.

"I-Ivan..."

"Yes, Matvey?"

"_J-Je t'aime_..."(I-I love you...)

"_Я тоже люблю тебя, Матвей._"(I love you too, Matvey.)

Holding hands, the pair walked out of the room, two lovers lost in their own world.

* * *

GAAAAH. I'm so sorry it's so freaking short! I just thought that would be a good place to end it... And I might not be updating for a while. :( On _anything._ D: Sorry!


	5. Childish Games

"Hey, Mattie?" Alfred poked Matthew to get his attention.

"What is it, Al?" Matthew looked up.

"Why are you blushing?"

"W-What? I was blushing?" Matthew's face reddened a bit more. He was rather embarrassed that he'd been caught thinking about Ivan. The Russian boy had been on Matthew's mind ever since they kissed, no matter how he tried to think about something else.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing..."

"Oh come oon, Mattie... 'Nothing' doesn't make you blush." Alfred was struck by a sudden idea. "Is it a girl?"

"No..." Matthew tried to find a way to escape the interrogation.

"Oh! I know! Is it a _guy_?"

Matthew's face paled underneath the blush. "N-No..."

"Aha! It is, isn't it?" Alfred grinned, leaning close to Matthew. "Whoo iiis iiit?"

"Nobody, leave me alone..." Matthew started to stand, and Alfred followed him.

"You've been hanging around that Russian dude a lot... It isn't him, is it?!" Alfred made a sour face at the thought.

"No!" Matthew yelped, blushing bright red again. "Go away!" Alfred couldn't keep up with his fleet-footed brother as he ran away.

* * *

"Alfred almost found out... He won't like this at all..." Matthew mumbled, collapsing on the floor of his secret clubhouse. No one else knew the location of the small, cozy room where he disappeared for hours. "He can't find out, he can't find out about this _ever_... He'll _kill _me for going out with his rival!"

He jumped up and paced around the room. "Aaah, what do I do?!" Matthew stopped short. "I'll ask Ivan!"

* * *

"Ivan? What do we do about Alfred?"

"What do you mean by that, Matvey?" Ivan looked at him curiously.

"He... Doesn't like you very much..."

Ivan shrugged. "Just don't bother telling him about us." He suddenly grinned creepily. "If he has any objections, he will have to tell them to me, da?"

Matthew shook his head, blonde hair flying. "Let's not have a repeat of yesterday..!"

"Okay, Matvey." Ivan enveloped him in a warm hug and kissed the top of his head. "_Я люблю тебя._"

"Oh, Vanya?" Matthew squirmed out of his hold and looked up at him, violet eyes twinkling.

"Da, Matvey?"

"Catch me if you can!" Matthew ran from him and Ivan chased after him, but it was quickly clear that Matthew was much faster. At last Ivan caught up to him and grabbed him around the waist, spinning in a circle and collapsing in a heap. Sitting on Ivan's stomach, Matthew leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose, then leapt up and scaled a nearby tree. Matthew perched on a branch about halfway up the tree and jokingly called down, "What's wrong, Ivan?"

Ivan made a face. "Maaatveeey, you know I can't climb..." He got up and stood under the branch that Matthew was sitting on. "But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Matvey is the sun!"

"Ivaaaaan..." Matthew groaned, letting go with one hand to facepalm.

Ivan smiled up at Matthew and held his arm out. Matthew quickly swung out of the tree and gave Ivan a flying-tackle-hug, making the pair dissolve into childish giggles. They stood there for a moment, then settled against the tree trunk and watched as the sun set and the stars came out. As it gradually got colder, Matthew snuggled into Ivan's side and towards the warmth. Aforementioned Russian wrapped an arm around him and drew him close.

"спокойной ночи, Matvey."(1)

Though the two didn't know it, someone had been carefully watching their every move. They slammed a fist into their palm. "I will bring you down, and then I will claim my prize."

* * *

"Matvey, Matvey, wake up." Ivan gently shook the sleeping form next to him.

"..Huh? Vanya, what..." Matthew realized he was outside and looked to Ivan for an explanation.

"You fell asleep, and your brother's looking for you."

Sure enough, Alfred's voice was echoing through the deserted park. "Mattie! Mattie, are you here?"

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ivan." Matthew got up and shouted, "I'm coming, Alfred!"

"_Da svedaniya_, Matvey."(2) Ivan waved cheerfully, turning the other way to go home.

Matthew ran over to where he could see Alfred's flashlight illuminating flashes of the darkness.

"Where were you, Mattie?"

"Oh, I was watching the sunset, and then I was looking at the stars and I fell asleep." It wasn't the full truth but at least it wasn't a lie.

"At this temperature?!" Alfred shivered and muttered, "Canadians."*

Matthew laughed. "Let's go home, Alfred."

* * *

"Alfred, your brother is getting really close to _Ivan._" Gilbert scowled. He positively _hated_ the Russian, and it didn't help that Matthew was pretty cute...

"Seriously?! We have to stop this before it goes too far and Mattie gets hurt." Alfred made a face.

"I saw them in the park the other day... They were getting really close, and I think they might have _kissed._"

"MATTIE!" Alfred shouted, running into Matthew's bedroom.

"What is it, I'm still sleeping." Matthew said, pulling his blanket up over his head.

"What are you doing with that Ivan guy?"

"Nothing, we're just friends."

"Okay!" Alfred went back into his own bedroom. "They're just friends, Mattie won't lie."

"If you say so..." Gilbert said out loud, thinking, "He just did. I know what I saw. I _will _bring that.. Monster... Down."

* * *

1. Good night

2. Goodbye

*It's maybe forty-five degrees at the coldest. XD

That developed into fluff fast. XD

It's so cute writing this pairing~ Especially since Ivan's so much larger than Matthew, I can have them do all of this stuff they couldn't do if they were the same size. :)

Note: This is moving a whole lot faster than I'd like. D:

It's actually not that hard to write Gilbo as the bad guy... O.o

And I managed to like, double the size of this chapter by making Matthew run away. XD

The songs that are the titles of the first two chapters, Vanilla Twilight and Tidal Wave, are by Owl City.

Posted at 12:00, 1-1-13! :D


	6. Threats and Kisses

It was the next day when Ivan found out. Matthew had expected him to find out sooner or later, but it came as a shock when it finally happened.

"Matvey~ Guess who~"

Matthew laughed and pushed Ivan's hands away from his eyes. "Vanya, you and your sisters are the only people who call me Matvey." As (bad) luck would have it, his sleeve slipped down his arm, exposing the clean white bandages wrapped around his wrists.

"Matvey," Ivan caught Matthew's wrist as he went to lower his arms. "Who did this?"

"Did what? Hurt my wrists?"

Ivan nodded somberly.

"Well... Vanya..." Matthew looked down, unable to meet his eyes. "That was... Me..."

"Matvey..!" Ivan cried. "Why?!"

"It-it helped get the pain out... It helped me believe that I'm still alive..."

"Matvey, promise me you won't hurt yourself anymore?" Ivan laid his hands on Matthew's shoulders and looked into his eyes, the blue-violet eyes that almost mirrored his own.

"Ivan.. I-I promise."

"Thank you, Matvey." Ivan smiled with relief.

"Vanya..." Matthew looked slightly wary of his anger. "Can we... go so something?"

"Da, Matvey." Ivan pointed over to a stand selling ice cream. "Shell we go get some?"

"Da, Vanya."

Ivan pouted childishly. "Stop stealing my language."

Matthew laughed. "It's not your language."

"You aren't meant to speak it."

_"__Это так_?"*

Ivan's jaw dropped.

"Close your mouth, you'll catch flies." Matthew teased.

"Matvey, that's mean." Ivan put his hands on Matthew's head and played with his hair.

"Gaah! It took forever to fix it the last time you did that!" Matthew swatted his hands away.

"Matvey, come on~" Ivan grabbed Matthew by the hand and pulled him along. "Hmm... What do you want?

Matthew smiled. "Vanilla's fine, thank you."

"Okay!" Ivan turned to the ice cream vendor. "One vanilla and one strawberry, please~!"

"Coming right up." She picked up a cone and piled vanilla ice cream on it until it resembled a tiny tower. She handed it to Matthew and grabbed another, copying the motions with the strawberry ice cream. This time she handed it to Ivan, trading the cone for the money. "Have a nice day!" she called, watching the two walk away, laughing and talking as they at the frozen treat. "Young love..."

* * *

"Mattie! Can you come play with us?" Alfred yelled, waving a PlayStation controller at him from the bottom of the stairs.

"Don't you have Gilbert and Soren to play with? Besides, I'm getting ready to go out. I'm going to sleep over at a friend's house."

"Aaaagh... Just a couple of rounds?"

Matthew smiled at Alfred's horrible attempt at making a pitiful expression. "Oh, fine. A couple."

"Can you make us popcorn?"

Matthew shook his head teasingly. "You can't even make your own popcorn?"

Alfred whimpered at him.

"You'd better share." Matthew hopped down the steps and ran into the kitchen. He sang softly as he put one bag of popcorn in the microwave and got another ready. "Time together is never quite enough~ When we're apart whatever are you thinking of~? What will it take to make or break this hint of lo~ove?"**

Matthew heard the squeaking of the couch- the old, horribly ugly but surprisingly comfortable green couch- and shut up as Gilbert came into the kitchen.***

"Oh, hello..." Matthew continued puttering around the kitchen, pouring the first bag of popcorn into a bowl and turning on the microwave for the next.

Gilbert stared at him for a long moment, then pinned Matthew to the wall by his wrists and roughly pressed their lips together. Matthew stood frozen with shock for a moment, then he began to struggle. After several long seconds, Gilbert broke the kiss and released Matthew's wrists, leaving his shaky legs to collapse under him.

Matthew looked up at him from the floor, terror filling his eyes. "Wh- Wh- Why would y-you do that?! I-I'm _with_ someone...!"

"Oh, I know, _mein liebe_... And I say you dump him. If you don't by the end of the week... Well... I have a few friends that have a bone to pick with him... And I _just might_ let it slip that you're cheating on him with the awesome me~"

"O-Ok-kay..." _I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. If I tell Ivan-If I just tell Ivan, he'll help, we'll get out of this mess-_

"And just one more thing-" Gilbert looked back over his shoulder to make sure that Matthew was listening. "If you tell him why, we'll go after him anyway."

"Hey Mattie, is the popcorn done?" Alfred shouted from where he was sitting on the couch, itching to start the game.

"Yeah, Al!" Matthew brightened his expression and his voice, scrambling to his feet as the microwave beeped.

He may have looked happy, but if only someone would look, they would see the deep sadness hidden behind his blue-violet eyes.

* * *

"Vanya?" Matthew looked up at Ivan, a rather hard thing to do with his head leaning against Ivan's shoulder.

"Da?"

"What would you do if we were ever separated?"

"I don't know, Matvey... You are my life."

Matthew blushed. "Oh, Vanya..." _I'm sorry. We have to make this our best week ever._

"Look, Matvey! The sun's rising!" At last the sunrise they'd woken up and come outside to see began.

They watched as the sun slowly rose above the horizon, creating a rainbow of colors across the sky.

"Matvey?"

Matthew turned to look at the Russian.

Ivan kissed him as they were bathed in the yellow light of the sunrise.

* * *

*Is that so?

**Does anyone know what this song is? ;)

***IF ANYONE AT ALL GETS THE REFERENCE THAT IS THE COUCH I WILL BE VEEERY HAPPY.

Well, that's short. T^T But I think that was a pretty good end to his chapter... And I wanted to get it up, seeing as I KEEP ON PROCRASTINATING. I'm sorry guys... ;n;


	7. Heartbreak

That was the best week that Matthew and Ivan spent together. They only parted ways to go home in the evenings, or to go to their separate classes. But then Matthew would pack up his clothes and pajamas and walk the short way to Ivan's house, always picking up at least one sunflower in the flower shop. Ivan would greet him with a huge smile and a kiss, taking the sunflowers happily and placing them in a vase full of water. The two never tired of this routine; they loved the feeling it gave them, that everything was alright, nothing could change for the worse. It was only Matthew that knew that this sense of security was false.

* * *

"Ivan! I'm here!" Matthew called, rapping on the front door of his house.

"Matvey!" Ivan opened the door and swept Matthew up into his arms, hugging him to his chest. "I missed you..."

Matthew chuckled. "I was gone for what, three hours?"

"Da, but still..."

Matthew kissed him on the cheek. "You can let me down now..."

"Okay, Matvey." Ivan set Matthew down again and gestured into the house, smiling. "You may enter."

"I know, Vanya." Matthew smiled back, walking into the house.

"What game do you want to play today?" Ivan asked, kneeling in front of the case-filled shelf.

"Hmm... How about this one?"

"I like that game."

Was that a hint of a smirk on Ivan's face...?

"Come on!"

Matthew followed Ivan into his bedroom and sat on the bed, picking up a PlayStation controller as Ivan set up the game. "It's ready..."

* * *

"Vanya, that wasn't faaair! You got all of those power-ups and you were practically invincible and didn't let me get a shot in..!" Matthew cried, hitting Ivan on the arm.

"You chose the game!" Ivan smiled.

Matthew sighed and rested his head on Ivan's shoulder. "You win..."

"Matvey, are you tired?" Ivan chuckled, looking down at the smaller blonde.

"No, Vanya, I-" He yawned. "Yes." Matthew corrected, smiling sheepishly.

"It's okay, Matvey." Ivan patted him on the head and got up to put the movie into the DVD player.

...Neither of them stayed awake past the halfway point.

* * *

Matthew awoke before Ivan, early enough to go outside and still be able to see the stars. 'Why...? Why is he targeting me? Why is he making me do this?' he choked back a sob. 'I can't do this... I can't do this to Ivan...'

"Matvey?" Ivan walked outside, trailing his blanket like a cape. "What's wrong? Why are you..." He trailed off into a yawn. "Why are you out here?"

Matthew forced himself to smile. "Nothing's wrong, Vanya, I'm fine."

"Hmm.. Okay, Matvey..." Ivan settled down on the porch swing next to Matthew and pulled him into his lap, wrapping the blanket around both of them. "Good night, Matvey. Ya tebya... Lyublyu..." Ivan whispered, already going back to sleep.

Matthew snuggled into his chest, Ivan's arms unconsciously tightening around him. "Bonne nuit, Vanya... Je t'aime, and... Je suis désolé..."

* * *

"Matvey... Matvey... Wake up..."

"Non..." Matthew mumbled sleepily. "'m too comfortable..."

Ivan laughed. "Matvey... Open your eyes..." He didn't need to remind Matthew where he'd fallen asleep; Matthew had already remembered and he blushed furiously, scrambling off of Ivan's lap and onto the swing. Then his heart turned to stone, weighing heavy in his chest.

He'd just remembered Gilbert's threat: "_And I say you dump him. If you don't by the end of the week... Well... I have a few friends that have a bone to pick with him... And I just might let it slip that you're cheating on him with the awesome me~ ...And just one more thing- If you tell him why, we'll go after him anyway_."

"I-Ivan..." Mathew began nervously. "I can't e-explain why, I really w-wish I could. But I-I've got to leave you. I've... I've found someone else." his heart twisted painfully, hearing these... These _lies_ spoken in his own voice.

"Wh-what?" Ivan was shocked, uncomprehending. Matthew was leaving him...?

"I've... I've found s-someone else." Matthew turned to walk down the steps, no longer able to look at Ivan's distraught expression. "Vanya... Je suis désolé."

"Don't call me that." Ivan's voice was cold, barely masking the tears threatening to pour down his face. "You're just like everyone else. They all betrayed me, left me, crushed our friendship for someone else. Get out. Get out, get out, GET OUT!" Ivan's voice rose to a scream as the tears spilled over, and he turned, snatching up the blanket before he disappeared into the house, likely closing the door to Matthew... Forever.

"Oh, Vanya..." A soft sob escaped Matthew's lips. "I'm so sorry..."

* * *

Ya tebya lyublyu- I love you

Bonne nuit- Good night

Je t'aime- I love you

Je suis désolé- I'm sorry

Okay, the video game part is based off of my own experiences. It was my first time playing this one game, and my cousin had played it plenty of times... Basically, he kept getting all of these power-ups and he kicked my butt. Like, 15 kills to 45. Seriously. XD Write Reykjavik in your review and tell me why if you're reading this.

Okay, who wants me to change it so it's Romano/Canada instead of Iceland/Canada later on..? I have no idea how to write the latter and it only has like three fanfics...

AFSGDHFJGKJHL;LKJHGFDSA IT'S SO SHORT


	8. Tears

Okay, go back and read the 'summary' chapters, I rewrote them so they sound better and describe the story more. :D

* * *

Matthew sat on his bedroom floor, knees pulled to his chest. His eyes glistened with tears that wouldn't fall, _couldn't _fall... The stricken look on Ivan's face had burned itself into his mind, and Matthew hated himself for it. He hated that he had caused it, hated that he couldn't hold Ivan close and kiss his pain away... Matthew wished that he could do something about it, but he couldn't. He was certain that if he even tried to take it all back, to explain everything... Gilbert would go after Ivan and he would be hurt even worse.

Matthew smiled sadly as he remembered a phrase from a song he'd heard- "If it is for the sake of protecting you, I will become an evil..."

That was exactly how he felt... Evil. All Matthew had wanted to do was protect Ivan, but he was painfully aware of how much he'd hurt him in the process.

'Ivan,' Matthew thought, 'Ivan, I'm sorry... Please... Please forgive me...'

* * *

Ivan lay curled up on his bed, his face buried in the blanket Matthew had used just last night... Last night, before he'd had his whole world shattered. Ivan inhaled sharply, breathing in the sweet syrupy scent that still clung to the light yellow cloth as he tried to hold back another flood of tears. That smell... In a way, it _was _Matthew. It clung to his hair, his clothes... And when they kissed... His lips tasted of it, of the sweet maple syrup that he loved so much.

"Matvey, come back..." Ivan pleaded softly, uselessly, as the tears escaped from his eyes, salty drops of water soaking the blanket.

"Vanya, what's wrong?"

For a moment, Ivan thought that the soft voice he'd heard was Matthew and it was only a dream, a terrible nightmare... But then he realized that it was Katyusha that had spoken.

"Nothing, сестра*, I'm fine."

"No you aren't, Vanya, I can hear you crying..."

"Katyusha, I'll be okay." he knew that he wouldn't be okay, he would never really would heal from this... But he wouldn't, _couldn't _talk about this.

"младший брат**, if you want to talk about it later..." Katyusha reluctantly backed out of the room and softly closed the door, leaving Ivan alone again.

'With Matvey gone...' Ivan's thoughts were beginning to turn dark. 'Who will- _No_.' he abandoned that train of thought. 'I need to leave... I need a distraction.'

* * *

"Mattie, Gilbert's here to see you!"

Alfred's voice calling up to him from the bottom of the stairs shook Matthew out of the trancelike state he had slipped into. "O-Okay!"

Quickly, he changed his pajama pants for a pair of jeans and pulled his hoodie on over his shirt. Matthew descended the stairs, his socked feet barely making a sound against the wood.

"Y-you wanted to see me?" Matthew's voice was quieter than usual, though Alfred didn't notice and Gilbert didn't care.

"Ja, I wanted to know if you'd hang out with the awesome me today?" Gilbert grinned, almost daring him to say no.

"O-okay... Just let me get my shoes..." Matthew forced himself to smile, terrified of what would happen if Alfred caught on to the situation. Stalling, he walked slowly to the back door, slipping on his shoes and walking back at the same pace.

"See ya later, Mattie!" When Matthew got back to the door, Alfred was already leaving. "I'm going over to Soren's house!"

"Okay, Al..." Matthew smiled weakly. "S-shall we go?"

Gilbert smirked, grabbing him by the hand and pulling him out the door. "Ja, and we'll have _fun_, won't we, Birdie?"

Matthew gulped, wide-eyed and stumbling along after him, and answered, "Y-yes.."

* * *

*sister

**little brother

...I feel like I'm tormenting them worse than I did in Kidnapped ;_; But that's meant to bring out anger and terror, and this one sadness... I think it's really going to become a tear-jerker later on.

What do you do when you can't pronounce the name of your own story? XD

It's short again, isn't it? D: I've been focusing more on Hide and Seek... That's the sequel to Kidnapped. It made me kind of happy to finish off a story... But this one should have quite a few more chapters. XD

Sorry it took so long to get this posted! D: I wrote it bit by bit and I got it finished just a moment ago... Took time to spellcheck, of course. XD I'll try to update more frequently, and with longer chapters!


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